The symptoms listed above are some of the issues and emotions you might experience for FAWN Trauma Response
OVERWHELMED…Being overwhelmed is to be so be overcome with emotion due to a result of having too much to handle. Think of your body as the “MotherBoard” of your computer system. If you never shut it off, and don’t do your updates to the system, it will crash simply because it is overloaded. The physical and emotional experiences you face with Trauma Abuse causes tremendous system overload. You reach a point where your are not capable of processing any more feelings or emotions. You just shut down. Some of the symptom impact to you could be; difficulty focusing or inability to concentrate, impaired logic, forgetfulness, lacking the ability to solve problems, and a racing mind. You are not going crazy, honest!
NO BOUNDARIES…Growing up, we had “house rules” for the most part. They were designed to teach accountability and respect for others. They also gave us the ability to set our own comfort zones, and personal rules. We carry these through life, and at some point we may realize the rules are bent or not enforced. Why? A couple of reasons. Not wanting to upset people, especially those we love. Losing people who we think we need for friendship. Fear of being alone. This can translate to completely ignoring our own boundaries in order to keep those we perceive to be friends and loved ones. The other alternative? Taking on someone else’s boundaries to get or stay in their good graces…The next step could be …..
CO-DEPENDENT…Co-Dependency is associated with low self esteem. Lack of boundaries as we discussed above can lead to emotional issues, material issues as in dealing with situations, and money. A co-dependent person can also be masterful at leading conversation to keep focus off their insecurities, and keep them from having to express their own opinions for fear of being disagreed with or being “cut down” for having a “different”opinion. Co-dependents also generally give up their own wants in favor of others. The cycle repeats itself and you find yourself willing to do anything to keep the abuser happy.
PEOPLE PLEASER…People Pleasing is hard to see sometimes because most of us have a true and genuine desire to help people and let’s face it…It’s more fun to be happy than sad. We wind up bending over backwards to do things for everyone, thinking it will please them, and wind up running around in circles trying to do everything for everyone except ourselves. This will most likely result in the next symptom on the list…
LOSS OF IDENTITY/SELF…There comes a point when you no longer are sure of who you are or what is going on around you. Your sense of identity may have become so unclear you are no longer sure of who you really are. Fear has now set in because you are not sure of anything. Does that sound familiar? You may find that you are “walking on eggshells”, trying to juggle everyone’s expectations, and in the process YOU have “disappeared.” Anxiety, depression, and weakness have made you afraid to take any action for yourself…An alternative scenario might be this…I will keep my head down and say/do nothing…If (insert name/names) is happy, that makes me happy. Again, the cycle repeats at each incident of keeping your head down and saying/doing nothing. This is one of my scenarios…I was shopping with my mother-in-law picking up the things to make pasta sauce and pasta for the family dinner the night before my father-in-law’s burial. As we were walking down the grocery store pasta aisle, it dawned on me that for the amount of people we were cooking for it would be easier to make two pans of lasagna. I broached this thought to my mother-in-law, as I had told my sister-in-law that I would make spaghetti. My mother-in-law thought that was a great idea… problem solved. We got home, my sister-in-law got back to the house, and I was actually terrified to approach her and tell her that I was doing something different from what we had agreed upon. I had lost my self-confidence in making a rational decision based on an update of thought.